This was our 1st room in this shelter…. It was your 1st room in this shelter… Then we lost you…… And now I find my family in room #6 yet again…. What are my lessons guardian angel BC?!?! I need you right now….

Everywhere I look I can see your presence, RC… I wish I hadn’t been so cold, so “Protect The Mission” with you RC, even though I hadn’t taken the horrible training packet yet… I still remember and regret that day in the parking lot when I told you I couldn’t hug you….. I wish I had hugged you that day, we are all so highly deprived lately of hugs it really hurts us those in DIRE need… It is one of my deepest regrets…. I wish I had ventured into those “difficult” topics with you….. I truly, TRULY wish I had been able to openly talk to you… Maybe then you would still be here…………..💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Now I find my family fading FAST…. In our Room #6….. My oldest 16 and severely struggling….. Much like you…. I see the similar struggles you both have…. How can I help and save him?????

I would go through ANYTHING to prove I don’t want to hurt any child EVER, especially after you… I too struggle every single day, YET here I barely stand, and this is NOT my first direct contact with suicide……..

Not one more light!!!!!!!!

Aloha my future tribe I dream about helping!!!

My current view on “my family” means my kids; my sister’s (I WILL forever be that SPECIAL older sister till my VERY LAST breath); my sister Savi’s kids; my grandma and my grandpa, who tried to raise me right despite the bat shit crazy abnormality of MY WHOLE LIFE!!!!

MY TRIBE…. Seems to be growing!?!?! My bat shit crazy life has led me down some interesting situations that have helped “my family” try to grow in many special ways… While I’m sitting at a super low point again, struggling to fight 22 years of controlling narcissist behaviors that unfortunately include 3 kids, I am finding people who will put themselves between him and my kids if I am not around. And MANY more unconventional new tribe who might even stand between him and me, after all these years… I feel protected and that my kids and I are safe FINALLY… AT MY CURRENT LOWEST……

My tribe is growing… Auntie Sierra is learning and growing… Small steps are still steps. I need to remember this.

Mine and my ex husbands parental examples aren’t the best by any sorts or means… But I guess even my fucked up childhood stood the better chance for our minions against his???😵‍💫 There was that OLD SCHOOL, “it takes a village attempt within my family. I miss that….

We all have our personal demons to deals with, whatever they are, they eat you alive until you figure out how to change it….. I want to end this horrible isolation of trying to raise these kids with the help of a coparent who the kids themselves feel has replaced them… I have allowed him to control me even after my divorce my trying to get him to want to spend time with the kids, even wiping tons of child support owed to the kids away with promises of helping them that never happens….

I am no longer afraid of you… My kids and I are becoming protected by our unconventional tribe… You may have placed us here, but everyone of us learned ALOT of you!!!